Return to Very Few Apologies

WELL, if you're reading this, you've managed to survive... as have I, apparently.


Life is a strange thing, isn't it? It's hard to know what comes next, and harder still to plan for it, and then sometimes it's hard to even really know where you've been. I mean, sure, you have an outline of the days gone by - but you, your mentality, your consciousness, YOU - where have you been? Were you the same person as you are now? Or is the present incarnation the only true form, the moment by moment, and so elusive to try to define any of it as anything grander? 


Ehhhh, I'm not sure. Sometimes, when I'm not feeling too much, I like to push myself to get a little drunker, have a nice full glass of white wine (crispy cold) after a rum drink, and I like to listen to Mexican music and put myself through the wringer - nice and soft, just ooze on into it - and see what kind of fucked up pulp product comes out the other end. Often times it's stringy and disgusting, but hey, that's the fiber of life baby!!


Or something. That seems to be a theme here - not knowing. And I suppose I should qualify that, seeing as I've found my written words often come across as quite stark - it's not not benevolent. Sure, I'm tired and run down, and over a lot of things, and lacking a lot of others - but it's net good. This is life afterall, and to harken back to that present moment shit, it does tend to just spill out day by day whether you want it to or not. So you might as well dive and duck and try to catch as much of the sloppy ass spillage as possible - no room here to be proud, to be egotistical. You have to sway and dance, sometimes like a fool, to get all you can get. Because the man that stands up straight and proud against the wall - he's going home dry. So who's a fool at the end of the night?


Alright then, sure. It's the 20s now. I remember when it was 2007. I remember when it was 2012. I remember when it was 2017 (not really - I don't remember a single thing from that year). And now it's the 2020s - remember when we all learned about the 1920s? Well, it's been 100 years, and it seems that most of the problems look familar, and all we've really gained are tired largely inaccurate but so delectable comparisons to the past. THE ROARING TWENTIES! History certainly repeats itself, but in another tone, it's a terrible fallacy to think that the past predicts the future. Present by present by present, moment by moment - that is how life unfolds.


It's very strange to me to think about people like Jimi Hendrix, Bradley Nowell, Janis Joplin, Christopher Wallace etc etc etc - ok yes I was doing the 27 club and then Biggie came to mind. But to think about these legends from the past that I've been inspired by, these people that I've dove deep and unabashedly into their art and personas, etc - to think that their entire lives were started and stopped in the amount of time, or less, that I've been alive on this Earth for now. I'm 27 years old. These motherfuckers, these legends - people that I've grown up with in a sense since a young age - now I'm their age. RIght? Obviously that could be worded more eloquently, but I trust you know what I'm getting at. This is one of those profound realizations that has nothing complicated or even special about it. Aging, mortality - these concepts are as old as time to a human being. But I use the word profound because it's something that felt - uncomplicated, but deep - oh damn. THAT PERSON - THAT LEGEND - WAS MY AGE. And now here I am. 3 years till 30. Here I am. 


Yeah, I'm in the late phase of my 20s now, and it's the 20s now (and I can't lie - Earl Sweatshirt saying "I'm in my 20s now" on DNA comes strongly to mind). I don't really have a closing point outside of the various things I've brought up in this opening monolouge. And what you'll see below certainly won't be anything particularly deep or summary in nature. But that's the whole point of keeping this weird part (Very Few Apologies) of this one project (Doofus Media) going on the back burner's backup bunsen burner through it all - Life Happens. And I like to try to capture Life Happening. Yeah, you can't have archives to reflect on without hunting and gathering to get them. Because you never know which days will be the glory days.....







WELL WELL, it's another intro trackkkk......




death has been in the air recently

not in a particularly morbid way

strangely enough

but just as a fact of life

it flits in on the breeze

sweeping down easily

and then it goes stagnant

and stays









nurture ur nature


THESE 3 PICTURES are my 3 moods, 3 horsemen, 3 horses, 3 3's, of 2021, thus far. (,,,)

fall is a time for angst especially in the past but it holds over into the present and then winter shows up on your doorstep and you can't not let it in which is a problem

that happens every year and i find i get slightly better at dealing with it with time but not completely never completely

anyways i believe the above picture was before a night of complete and total ANHILATION and we'll just say it was to deal with the aforementioned transition because like i said better but not completely

anyways that eve was not particularly profound in any way but i thought to myself 'hm, maybe not so much of this'


that's nice


moving on

MY SISTER, as it turns out, IS THE SPIRIT OF H A L L O W E E N && her halloween party is now a longstanding tradition; this year it was held during covid times so primarily outdoors with a strange full moon and a rarity in that we were amongst OTHER HUMANS in relative bulk for the first time in a long time

a possessed witch & associate here

& robbie looks like i've just said something absolutely despicable in the presence of his esteemed guests

and not many other photos from that evening. SPOOKS


THE TABLES WE END UP, in this life, have quite an outsized impact on our entire series of movements through this vast thing...


well there's ten on the table below, and the main thing pictured here is called The Hunter, and I mostly don't recall what's in it as Helen's, the beautiful establishment this photo was taken at, has been closed (temporarily) for some 3ish months now - but it's whisky. I do know that. And it's a flavorful drink, but you can still taste the whisky, which is how it should be, and which means it's strong. WHAT ELSE - chimes of midnight, another drink featuring mezcal, and I DO DECLARE a little bit of skiing on those treacherous slopes. ABOMINABLE AS THE SNOWMAN

ah yes, all of my immediate family in the DARK DINING ROOM





Here's David Gray on my favorite sitting spot in Hollywood Cemetery. Nothing wild, right, right, BUT it belays the fact that I moved to a new city for the first time outside of college during our generation's (most living's) first pandemic and so the fact that I even have a favorite sitting spot in Hollywood Cemetery; AND, the fact that David Gray moved back to the East Coast, but to a new area, also during the pandemic, and bought a van and so rode on deep down south in it post SFUS reunion in order to safely quarantine for his nephew (?) to be, and this picture was taken on his return trip north, stopped over briefly and outdoor only and so hence the need for my favorite sitting spot here, even in the Coooollllddddd.


AND SO HENCE THE FACT that we ain't weak motherfuckers and we still making SFUS reunions happen; 'oh life just gets so crazy!' Get the fuck outta here with being a victim of circumstance my "lost track of my friends" people. I'm not talking covid-related pauses in relations here - I'm talking you broad-speaking "life gets busy" types. YOU'RE NOT WRONG - but you gotta do better. 


    nice thanks for sharing


WHOOPS, turns out we're already deep into the matrix whether you like it or not, whether your're ready or not,,, 1 2 3 HERE IT FUCKIN COMES EVERYBODY LEARN TO CODE 

i'll just go live in the woods


grind grind grind, when is it enough, is it ever enough





WORK, I work for money. I work at my job for money. I pretend I want a career for money. But, despite my already-deep-seated cynicism for being only 27, what I do is certainly not net bad. And what I do isn't entirely boring everyday.


No, one of the silver linings, overarchingly, is becoming deeply familiar with the woodlands - every form of them, from young to old to natural to man-manufactured. And then, non-overarchingly - the woodlands, when you're deep in them (particularly in one of their man-messed-up younger forms) - well, it's not so nice. It's briar, and it's young spry saplings that push back, and it's invasive species that don't give and have a strange amount of thorns, and if you're particularly lucky, it's a loss of any sense of direction, or a severe thunderstorm breaking directly overhead, or a terrified and equally confused bear barrelling down upon you, etc etc



but then also at the end of it, you come out of the woods and into the corporate behemoth and you must say... emphatically no, because fuck a highlight reel. that's all this is. i'm out bitch. your life is more than everything.....


besides life itself lol

            THE HOLIDAZE



weeeeeeee we're all in the vortex we might as well embrace it EH




it is the king of all sandwiches

the savior of the world of lunch meat and leftovers

it is the best use of french toast anyone has ever known in the history of humanity and several other species

no combo of sweet and salty has ever been so perfect

i don't know what my purpose in life is but i do know that sampling the world's monte cristos is about as close as i've come to FINDINGGGGG ITTTTTTTTTT

and after thanksgiving and christmas, I MAKE ME OWN

thanks mom


rip to a legend

rip to rex as well


VERY GOOD THEN, all is well, the year 2020 has ended some time ago, and, as it turns out, purely coincidentally, the year 20and21 has started.



















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