DoofusMedia

Well well well... ISN'T THIS NICE?????
oh ITS A WALK IN THE PARK 

 

HEY THERE! here we are again... it turns out time flies whether you're having fun or not! The human condition, as it were... sometimes life makes sense and sometimes it doesn't, but either way, you're in it, so why not accept it for what it is and keep rolling?

 

Well, I can think of a lot of reasons to refute that point.

 

But fuck em!!

 

Here's to a non-shallow enjoyment of the ride. May I get better at it as I go.

good morning in the evening, time isn't real, and neither are you!

         ok then

 

HEY YOU THINK YOU'RE SPECIAL BUD?????

 

WELL BUCKLE UP BECAUSE WE'RE ALL LIVING THIS WAAAAYYYYYYthe technology wave: ride it, get pummeled, ride it again


AH YES, always nice to visit VB. The past two times I've gone out in the boat with my dad. That ocean breeze and saltwater air - that clean pure briney smell. It hits like nothing else. I've been reminded that, in the long term, it's something that I need much more frequently in my life. I guess I've always known that, but I think moving away and then visiting drives the truth of it home.

mornings on the sea

evenings by the sea






SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE OF TAOS

 

 

 

 

For approximately 3.5 years Cwiss grinded 80+ hours a week slinging chicken. This was photo was taken on his first day of newfound freedom. PORK BUNS

 

here's ME N ME MUM havin sum rum

WELL, if you're reading this, you've managed to survive... as have I, apparently.

 

Life is a strange thing, isn't it? It's hard to know what comes next, and harder still to plan for it, and then sometimes it's hard to even really know where you've been. I mean, sure, you have an outline of the days gone by - but you, your mentality, your consciousness, YOU - where have you been? Were you the same person as you are now? Or is the present incarnation the only true form, the moment by moment, and so elusive to try to define any of it as anything grander? 

 

Ehhhh, I'm not sure. Sometimes, when I'm not feeling too much, I like to push myself to get a little drunker, have a nice full glass of white wine (crispy cold) after a rum drink, and I like to listen to Mexican music and put myself through the wringer - nice and soft, just ooze on into it - and see what kind of fucked up pulp product comes out the other end. Often times it's stringy and disgusting, but hey, that's the fiber of life baby!!

 

Or something. That seems to be a theme here - not knowing. And I suppose I should qualify that, seeing as I've found my written words often come across as quite stark - it's not not benevolent. Sure, I'm tired and run down, and over a lot of things, and lacking a lot of others - but it's net good. This is life afterall, and to harken back to that present moment shit, it does tend to just spill out day by day whether you want it to or not. So you might as well dive and duck and try to catch as much of the sloppy ass spillage as possible - no room here to be proud, to be egotistical. You have to sway and dance, sometimes like a fool, to get all you can get. Because the man that stands up straight and proud against the wall - he's going home dry. So who's a fool at the end of the night?

 

Alright then, sure. It's the 20s now. I remember when it was 2007. I remember when it was 2012. I remember when it was 2017 (not really - I don't remember a single thing from that year). And now it's the 2020s - remember when we all learned about the 1920s? Well, it's been 100 years, and it seems that most of the problems look familar, and all we've really gained are tired largely inaccurate but so delectable comparisons to the past. THE ROARING TWENTIES! History certainly repeats itself, but in another tone, it's a terrible fallacy to think that the past predicts the future. Present by present by present, moment by moment - that is how life unfolds.

 

It's very strange to me to think about people like Jimi Hendrix, Bradley Nowell, Janis Joplin, Christopher Wallace etc etc etc - ok yes I was doing the 27 club and then Biggie came to mind. But to think about these legends from the past that I've been inspired by, these people that I've dove deep and unabashedly into their art and personas, etc - to think that their entire lives were started and stopped in the amount of time, or less, that I've been alive on this Earth for now. I'm 27 years old. These motherfuckers, these legends - people that I've grown up with in a sense since a young age - now I'm their age. RIght? Obviously that could be worded more eloquently, but I trust you know what I'm getting at. This is one of those profound realizations that has nothing complicated or even special about it. Aging, mortality - these concepts are as old as time to a human being. But I use the word profound because it's something that felt - uncomplicated, but deep - oh damn. THAT PERSON - THAT LEGEND - WAS MY AGE. And now here I am. 3 years till 30. Here I am. 

 

Yeah, I'm in the late phase of my 20s now, and it's the 20s now (and I can't lie - Earl Sweatshirt saying "I'm in my 20s now" on DNA comes strongly to mind). I don't really have a closing point outside of the various things I've brought up in this opening monolouge. And what you'll see below certainly won't be anything particularly deep or summary in nature. But that's the whole point of keeping this weird part (Very Few Apologies) of this one project (Doofus Media) going on the back burner's backup bunsen burner through it all - Life Happens. And I like to try to capture Life Happening. Yeah, you can't have archives to reflect on without hunting and gathering to get them. Because you never know which days will be the glory days.....

 

 

 

ALL MY DAYS GLORY DAYS BIIIIIIIIIIIITCH 

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

anyways

WELL WELL, it's another intro trackkkk......

 

 

 

death has been in the air recently

not in a particularly morbid way

strangely enough

but just as a fact of life

it flits in on the breeze

sweeping down easily

and then it goes stagnant

and stays

 

 

 

 

YEEHAW

AM I SAD OR JUST VERY TIRED

 

 

nurture ur nature

 

THESE 3 PICTURES are my 3 moods, 3 horsemen, 3 horses, 3 3's, of 2021, thus far. (,,,)

fall is a time for angst especially in the past but it holds over into the present and then winter shows up on your doorstep and you can't not let it in which is a problem

that happens every year and i find i get slightly better at dealing with it with time but not completely never completely

anyways i believe the above picture was before a night of complete and total ANHILATION and we'll just say it was to deal with the aforementioned transition because like i said better but not completely

anyways that eve was not particularly profound in any way but i thought to myself 'hm, maybe not so much of this'

 

that's nice

 

moving on

MY SISTER, as it turns out, IS THE SPIRIT OF H A L L O W E E N && her halloween party is now a longstanding tradition; this year it was held during covid times so primarily outdoors with a strange full moon and a rarity in that we were amongst OTHER HUMANS in relative bulk for the first time in a long time

a possessed witch & associate here

& robbie looks like i've just said something absolutely despicable in the presence of his esteemed guests

and not many other photos from that evening. SPOOKS

 

THE TABLES WE END UP, in this life, have quite an outsized impact on our entire series of movements through this vast thing...

WATCHU DRINKIN??

well there's ten on the table below, and the main thing pictured here is called The Hunter, and I mostly don't recall what's in it as Helen's, the beautiful establishment this photo was taken at, has been closed (temporarily) for some 3ish months now - but it's whisky. I do know that. And it's a flavorful drink, but you can still taste the whisky, which is how it should be, and which means it's strong. WHAT ELSE - chimes of midnight, another drink featuring mezcal, and I DO DECLARE a little bit of skiing on those treacherous slopes. ABOMINABLE AS THE SNOWMAN

ah yes, all of my immediate family in the DARK DINING ROOM

 

LOOK OUT

TOO LATE

 

Here's David Gray on my favorite sitting spot in Hollywood Cemetery. Nothing wild, right, right, BUT it belays the fact that I moved to a new city for the first time outside of college during our generation's (most living's) first pandemic and so the fact that I even have a favorite sitting spot in Hollywood Cemetery; AND, the fact that David Gray moved back to the East Coast, but to a new area, also during the pandemic, and bought a van and so rode on deep down south in it post SFUS reunion in order to safely quarantine for his nephew (?) to be, and this picture was taken on his return trip north, stopped over briefly and outdoor only and so hence the need for my favorite sitting spot here, even in the Coooollllddddd.

 

AND SO HENCE THE FACT that we ain't weak motherfuckers and we still making SFUS reunions happen; 'oh life just gets so crazy!' Get the fuck outta here with being a victim of circumstance my "lost track of my friends" people. I'm not talking covid-related pauses in relations here - I'm talking you broad-speaking "life gets busy" types. YOU'RE NOT WRONG - but you gotta do better. 

 

    nice thanks for sharing

 

WHOOPS, turns out we're already deep into the matrix whether you like it or not, whether your're ready or not,,, 1 2 3 HERE IT FUCKIN COMES EVERYBODY LEARN TO CODE 

i'll just go live in the woods

 

grind grind grind, when is it enough, is it ever enough

 

unsure

 

WHOS WORKING THE DOOR

WORK, I work for money. I work at my job for money. I pretend I want a career for money. But, despite my already-deep-seated cynicism for being only 27, what I do is certainly not net bad. And what I do isn't entirely boring everyday.

 

No, one of the silver linings, overarchingly, is becoming deeply familiar with the woodlands - every form of them, from young to old to natural to man-manufactured. And then, non-overarchingly - the woodlands, when you're deep in them (particularly in one of their man-messed-up younger forms) - well, it's not so nice. It's briar, and it's young spry saplings that push back, and it's invasive species that don't give and have a strange amount of thorns, and if you're particularly lucky, it's a loss of any sense of direction, or a severe thunderstorm breaking directly overhead, or a terrified and equally confused bear barrelling down upon you, etc etc

 

 

but then also at the end of it, you come out of the woods and into the corporate behemoth and you must say... emphatically no, because fuck a highlight reel. that's all this is. i'm out bitch. your life is more than everything.....

 

besides life itself lol

cc:
            THE HOLIDAZE

TIME TO GO HOME

AND SPREAD CHEER

weeeeeeee we're all in the vortex we might as well embrace it EH

THE YULETIDE CONTINUUM

 

PAUSE THE FLOW:::: encounter and GET TO KNOW the MONTE CRISTO

it is the king of all sandwiches

the savior of the world of lunch meat and leftovers

it is the best use of french toast anyone has ever known in the history of humanity and several other species

no combo of sweet and salty has ever been so perfect

i don't know what my purpose in life is but i do know that sampling the world's monte cristos is about as close as i've come to FINDINGGGGG ITTTTTTTTTT

and after thanksgiving and christmas, I MAKE ME OWN

thanks mom

 

rip to a legend

rip to rex as well

 

VERY GOOD THEN, all is well, the year 2020 has ended some time ago, and, as it turns out, purely coincidentally, the year 20and21 has started.

 

NICE

GOOD NIGHT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WE WENT TO MOTHERFUCKING JAPAN AND IM MAKING A ZINE & THIS AINT NO MINDPLAY VOL.2, THIS SHITS GONNA GET FINISHED SOON (EVENTUALLY), HA HA HA

 

anyways..... uhhhh it's been a hell of a season

 

MOONGLOW IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE

AS AFOREMENTIONED, i am making a japan zine. i hope it will be enjoyable. i hope even more that i will fucking finish it soon. but, true to LIFE HAPPENING and B SIDES, there are always more photos and thoughts, etc. so some random ones are incorporated here. such as THIS, the first time i encountered one of the fabled alcohol vending machines as Robbie and i went on a morning stroll through our Sumida City neighborhood.....

CWISS PRE THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY BACK AT IT YEUH BOI

WELL who woulda thought that this would be the last time id experience this for unknown quantities of time? PRE PANDEMIC, i believe this was DECEMBER on a very brief foray into FLORIDA flying solo on JETBLUE


THE MORGUE::::::::::: this room smelled horrific, and felt horrific for that matter. the final day in Tokyo was comprised of unrelenting all-consuming sickness. shits and sweat. not a good scene. but the night before was the the robot restaurant show, which was absolutely ludicrous in the best possible way, so there is that..... LOOK HOW FUKN SWEATY DAVID GRAYS HEAD IS GOTDAMN SON ARE U DYING MAYBE

this photo is from december 22, 2019 at 7:14AM after a very strange and unplanned all nighter..... good homies in town and an organic meeting with neighbors turned into eyes wide open as the morning fog rolled in heavy and caused a 70-some car pile up inland some ways..... AHHHHHHHHHH

SO IF UR FRIENDS JUMPED OFF A BRIDGE WOULD YOU JUMP TOO?????? ha ha haaaaaaaaa

CYCLOPS, THE PREQUEL

unplanned encounter w zombie street band in osaka on hunt for FOOD

BEDSIDE (but in biggies voice when he goes BED-STUY)

WE'LL TAKE THE BOX LUNCH, THANKS

hehehehehe
IM TOO HUNGOVER TO FUNCTION; LET'S DO THIS
LOW LIGHTS NIGHT LIGHTS LIFE LINES ALL USED UP

laz ag nah :-)

VIRTUAL COMMUNICATION IS THRIVING IN THE PANDEMIC !!!!

PARADOX BITCH YOURE IN THE MATRIX NOW

BAD OMEN:::: at the very very start of this pandemic a pair of doves appeared on my balcony, nesting in my hanging plant. "Excellent!" I thought. something to look at as I work from home for the foreseeable months... a little live Planet Earth all my own, visible right outside my bedroom window from my desk. Serendipitous! 

 

Until it became quickly apparent that the doves had abandoned the roost. Why? Who knows. My working hypothesis is far too much swinging in the wind to feel the stability necessary to raise children. You know, an unsound structure doesn't make a home. 

 

I was bummed heavily, but thought nothing more of it. UNTIL! Weeks later I pulled my plant down off its hanging post for whatever and FOUND the below EGG. an abandoned egg. Far too late in the process to be saved... just an egg that a beautiful pair of doves laid outside my bedroom window and then abandoned for a cold sad lonely death. EXCELLENT OMEN FOR THE SEASON!

i read this book in a day, that's not a flex, it's short, but a testament to the story... it's subtly unnerving and simultaneously funny and pulled me in deep and threw my mind far out and away into an existential place, one of those ones where you can freely question 'what the fuck is this life' and 'why the fuck am i doing this' without a negative overtone....... WOULD SUGGEST

GOOD MORNING JAPAN ----- these images from a brief video trigger potent senses, mostly of the best kind of sensory overload and heightened detachment from reality..... technically day 3, day 2 as i counted them, and fully morning 1. MORNING WALK IN SUMIDA CITY! PRELIM STOP AT 711!!!!!!!!!!

WHOOPS - title track
"hey, how are you?"
thankfully somewhere along the way i started getting absurdly high again weeeeeee
EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE

SUNLIGHT SCENERY

_____________________________________________________________________________
I AM SOCIALLY DISTANT BUT ONLY DUE TO THE PANDEMIC NO OTHER REASON SURELY

^^^^^^IT'S TOO LATE ITEM UNAVAILABLE

pandemic tales begin!!!!

MIKE PENCE IS A STRONG MAN DO NOT DISRESPECT HIM

 

 

FRIENDS IN LOW PLACES YA WONT BE ABLE TO BEAT THEM DOWN

what is the relation of the following images???? who knows!! choose ur own adventure!!!!

CHUCK the king of this shit, RIP 




KYOTO night number 2 kind of number 1 officially depending on how you count very good very good. point here is Rex's facial expression as he got sucked deep into conversation with our rapidly increasingly wasted Israeli aquantice as David Gray and I enjoyed the AMBIANCE and slid neatly into being semi-wasted. HAAAAAA bum luck Tex; ABSINTHE!
TOKYO BITCH i stayed in tokyooooooooo
lol zine eh 

sometimes weird notions stick in your head for inexplicable reasons when you travel, and one of those is the sky in Hiroshima...... I'm sure it was no different than just about anywhere else I've been, but it felt high and clear and pure, and I felt good there on my few slight insignificant walks through that city......

BEACH IN JAPAN I GOT BEACHES EVERYWHERE
beach at home, beach is home.....

 

CAVE DWELL, PROFRESSIONAL EDITION, MEMBERS ONLY:::::: 6 IMAGES

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CAN I GET AN OOOOOOOFF
OOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFF
thanks mom !!!!

CHEF CWISS
@ HOME

@ WORK

ok this is just a wall a good wall not a border wall
and more unrelated shit because at some point some of this shit isn't in order and i just have to roll with it you know, whatever, b sides is the name of this game, here is fresh tattoo on leg now much further along than this but comically still not finished either; that seems very metaphorical for this whole thing and my life at large heeeeeeheeha
this picture i just like; the beginning of walks 2 thee beach
very good sign the best kind of sign

NATURE we've still got nature we've always got nature don't forget it (until we fuck nature up too much and it destroys us but we're trying to be positive here)

I LUV A GOOD NIGHT OUT HA

but in actuality

that's one of the strange things about this pandemic..... the elimination of something as casual as going to a bar with friends, of a casual throwing of caution to the wind so to speak, or at least any notion of planning or serious intentionality... just frolicking in it for a night. That's gone. It's a cliche - YA DONT KNOW WHAT YA GOT TILL ITS GONE - but there's potent truth in it with this thing. Such simple little nothings that we take for granted all evaporated and gone all at once. 
TITLE TRACK

X2

a meaningless throwback to new years, before we knew what the fuck 2020 was gonna be

woöoooöoo

in a particularly strange turn of events, i befriended two wild fishermen just returned from the baltic sea, and one of them LOOSE HANDED NO BAG NOTHIN passed me a not insignifcant amount of mushrooms in the middle of the bar saying something along the lines of SHUT THE FUCK UP PUT THESE IN YOUR POCKETTTTTTTTT. naturally, i obeyed, and began to munch away..... anyways, some went in this tea at a latter date...

solo dolo

NOT SO FRESH WIT THE BONES IN THE MOUTH
SO DAMN FRESH WIT DA KIX ON THE FEET, PUT THEM ON A TIGHT PULLED HOTEL COMFORTER

B SIDES & SIDE LIIIIIIVVEESSSSSSS

EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED

EMBRACE THE FLOW OF MONOTONY

FIND BEAUTY IN THE SMALL FUCKED UP THINGS OF THE EVERYDAY
ZOOM ZOOM sometimes not good or bad i wonder how tf i ended up doing what i currently do for a paycheck

CARIB SHACK MOTHERFUCKER, this picture sucks, but gotdamn. FOOD IS A PLEASURE
RYE BREAD BITCH GET TO KNOW IT (also unpictured, toast it)

ok this picture no reason for it to be the sudden final picutre but here it is: DONT LOOK BACK, but sometimes sure why not take in the view ehhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                       all the things i don't do! winter is coming!

 

looking back to this strand of photos and captions, it's a bit unexciting. it's funny how a few pieces of even small-scale travel can so easily outweigh and outshine a much larger portion of local daily life. ie, many more exciting photos from a long weekend in nyc than multiple months trudging through the montony. of course, part of that is probably just the bias of new eyes vs old eyes..... new eyes take in the world differently in a new place; old eyes are glazed over and focused ahead, or down, or inward...

 

But still. Part of what i like about the Very Few Apologies series is the capturing of life as it happens. But sometimes man, sometimes, you go back through and you're like - huh - what did happen? where did the time go? And i don't even mean for that to sound like a deep depressive down swing, just an interesting observation on the days gone by, and perhaps something hinting toward a warning - the daily life doldrums add up. 

 

Anyways.....

 

We go back to nyc but now mhans resides in brooklyn what a change in scenery eh yet some things never change and those include the liquor and the running in the streets and the late night cigarettes after it all with caution long gone thrown to the wind. ft dope grains via paula's disposable camera
AH low lights but we missed the low key this time around. the place was billed as the birthday party of a friend of paula's sister or something like that - low key vibes! i fell asleep on the subway on the way over and then it started pouring rain and we took cover under an overhang, me smoking cigarettes to try to wake up. Finally after a slight reprieve in precipitation we made the dash down the block and through the door - BAM! the Lizzo anthem on, motherfuckers dancing on tables, various amounts of clothing removed. bump bump bump sweat. yeah, not quite low key. the party was isolated to the back of the place with separate smaller bar and above pictured couches, though the pictures don't capture the adjacent crowd. things happened quickly including: loud drunken agressiveness causing a punch to the face then sending a thick goblet through an interior window and glass everywhere including into paula's bra; one of the drunken perpetrators initiating drunk sarcastic "friendliness" fast approaching fighting posture with michael and myself before we through ice water on it; securing of adderal along with whisky to help get our asses off the couch before it was too late. yeah, no low key this time around, but the cookie crumbles on...

 

FUCK SPIRIT ANIMALS BUT THIS IS MINE
clean woodland lines, always nice, a simple pleasure of the world...

 

WELL, self-indulgent story-telling of self life, self images, 1. self in desert garb, vs

2. SELF IN DESERT ITSELF

the above from the delight hot springs resort in tecopa not too far outside of death valley... wine and edibles and strange solo hot spring time with strange murals on strange concrete walls come nightfall... 

FUN WITH FRIENDS NEVER ENDS

sun n moon ~~~~~~~~~ The water's the best thing and the summer's the best for it here in the MidAtlantic simply because it's warm and so it feels good and you can be on it and in it most freely. Simple pleasures of life to balance all the manic depressive introspection!!

 

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT: READ, THINGS THAT MATTERTHEN N NOW ~ SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE! Fear & Loathing on the Campaign Trail was hilarious but also intensely cutting - the impression that watching Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas leaves doesn't do justice to the uncanny political instinct and absurdly sharp wit of Hunter S. Thompson in his prime... Don't get me wrong; this isn't a puritan I READ A BOOK AND I KNOW BETTER ARGUMENT. I fuckin love Fear & Loathing the movie. It's ingenious in its own right. But the political book, while definitely having plentiful absurdity and humor, was also shockingly sharp and poignant, and I was surprised as to how relevant many of Dr. Thompson's observations are to our current time.....

 

Well, nautical things are more straight-forward, and nature in general is fantastic antithesis to all of the absurd wrongs in our modern human anthill society.....
FISH OUTTA WATER

&
PEOPLE IN WATER

simple pleasure
this fish stayed outta water too long.....

WELL, back to nyc, cont.

 

                                                             THINGS ESCALATED QUICKLY

 

WHOOPS

 

(mostly) UNINTERRUPTED STREAM OF SIGHTS N LIGHTS :::::::::: IT'S NICE TO TAKE PHOTOS IN A NEW AREA

 

alright this place was interesting. michael being new in nyc (and admittedly it is much later now when i'm adding this caption so i've seen how things have progressed and it's amusing to think about that raw angsty energy of the first couple months that i got to experience briefly with the homie, not unlike going away to college at first, though perhaps with more confidence) we hit up some places that we had become familiar with on our brief trips there. So we went.... somewhere or another.... and then we went to rin tin tin, which is a cool iittle indoor outdoor joint in the lower east side, paris artisanal vibe without any pretention. apps and good drinks. nearby was a strange little below ground level place, so we went in and... it was pink. very pink. intriguing. pink and hip but cozy enough to not be obnoxious and pasta. being fully honest, unless we had been boldy on shrooms again or way up hi in the rollie pollie sky, we probably would not have stayed had paula not been with us. but we did, and while it wasn't necessarily something to write home about, it was good pasta and an intriguing vibe. VIVA PINK!woo!

yeah yeah alright this coyote is well known to me. home sweet home on the lower east has never failed me. simple, raw but friendly, good drinks and good dance floor, and has never been obnoxiously overcrowded when i've been there..... around 3AM we showed up and assumed it was closed because a large group was leaving, but paula had the social grace to just ask the bouncer, who cracked a joke that i can't remember and then beckoned us inside...

 

TRAVEL BACK YOUNG MAN! DAILY LIFE CALLS!
BACK TO RESIDENCE, work, home, work, home, routine, death, a path forward: INTO THE JUNGLE

I've been in a spiral cycle; these are just some of the more pleasant visual sights from it. Being trapped in a spiral cycle doesn't mean there aren't any pleasures to be had along the way. I feel two ways about that.... on the one hand I guess that's the way to do life, right, enjoy what can be enjoyed regardless of how negative the circumstances may be. On the other, it's not truly representative of all those days gone by to show a highlight reel.... though perhaps that's part of the fun of storytelling your own life, and more simply, perhaps it's just drastically more likely that you will take photographs of the better things and not of the worse, and so if the photographs are the guide of the story, the story will show the better amongst the bad....

 

HERE'S A FEW BLACK & WHITES TO CORRECT THAT BIAS: 

until next time.............

 

sights from life, late 2018 thru early 2019 representation

 

even very anticlimatic days can make a nice highlight reel

 

                                                                                         !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Perhaps this will finally be the last one of these that feels like so much of the same. Perhaps not. But it would seem, upon reflection, that if I want it to be, I will have to make it so!

 

THE FLAVOR U KNOW, THE FLAVOR UR SICK OF, LIKE THE SAME BOWL OF OATMEAL ERRY DAMN MORNING. SEQUENCE!

 

TIME TIME MOTHERFUCKING TIME, HOW YOU YOU HAUNT ME

this picture here above was taken as the clock hit somewhere around 7am on January 1, 2019 after an all-night new year's eve gold-level sponsored, supplied, and fueled by nothing but the power of friendship and adderall like candy. Nothing like getting off on the right foot!!

______________________________________________________

 

CWISS WIT DA GOTDAMN BLAK CROCS 2 FRE$H

&

LOW LIGHT ORANGE AND UNFILTERED SAKE: Fuji Yama is about 5 minutes from my place but it's one of the few locales that can feel a world away

 

SNACK CORNER LINED UP, FIRST MEATBALL SANDWICH WITH SWEET N SPICY JAM ON MINI HAWAIIAN ROLL
SATURDAY NIGHT PIZZA GIVE IT TO ME GREEN PEPPERS BANANA PEPPERS PINEAPPLE HALF PEPPORONI HALF GRILLED CHICKEN 7 MILLION RANCHES

MONTE CRISTO, ALRIGHT WE GOT TURKEY IN THIS INSTANCE, WE ADD HAM, WE ADD AMERICAN CHEESE, DON'T BE AFRAID OF IT, WE ADD SWISS: A CRUCIAL COMPONENT; WE SPREAD A LITTLE CRANBERRY AMONGST THIS; WE PUT IT ALL ON FRENCH TOAST; NOW LISTEN HERE, THE MELT IS CRUCIAL: HEAT THE INNARDS A WEE BIT IN THE MICROWAVE, TOAST THE FRENCHIE, COMPILE AND SHOVE IT IN THE OVEN; LET IT BAKE, LET IT MELT, LET TOAST TOAST FURTHER; THEN DUNKKKKKKKKKKKKK IT IN SYRUP !!! 

LOCAL FLAVOR, HI-LITE REEL, BIG HAHA, SEQUENCE::::::::::::

GEARED UP; cold weather vibes on the coast ~~~


a nice evening scene....

AND JUMP BACK A MONTH OR TWO

what else is new; i'm taking caffeine pills and making lists, not finishing shit (cc mindplay vol.2), but also doin tight shit

not a fuckin chance pal!

 

not long... i felt the thing kick in down by the river but it didn't really hit me until i was in the black suv on the way to the green parrot.... and then by the time i was there, the end had begun. It all proceeded to roll oh so slowly downhill, a benevolent slow motion plunge into the warm pool of oblivion..... I ran headlong into the haze. ``````

self, late summer 2018

^^beer on shirt

& representation of me vs. me, the ongoing battle

 ONWARD

below fluid above fluid

to infinity hotel rooms and beyond (con vino)

 

AND WELCOME TO THE HOMESTEAD, WHERE EVEN THE SEAGULLS WILL FUCKIN CHECK YOU ON YOUR BULLSHIT::::: "MUHFUCKA, WHAAAAT!?" THIS IS WHERE I LIVE

BEANS // BOBOS

HEY YOU WANNA LOSE AT POOL BLACK OUT AND LET EVERYONE SMOKE ALL YOUR WEED? I'VE GOT JUST THE FUCKIN PLACE !

THE LEGEND OF TOM

anddd then the actual reason i live here....

 

AND OFF TO WORK WE GO!

           DOWN SOUTH TO ATL FOR A MINUTE

                     I CAN'T SAY TOO TOO MUCH YOU KNOW

                                BUT I CAN SAY TO A TEEEEEEEEEE

                                         HOTLANTA WAS FUCKING WEIRD

ROBBERY ON THE HIGH..... streets?
GET ME OUTTA HERE

 

LA VIBA ROSA or some shit that's nice like that.........

WHOOPS

 

 

 

SO 

this shit (VERY FEW APOLOGIES AS IT STANDS) started sometime in the fall of 2014 I believe and I continued to intermitently throw up the random media produced during the course of my life into the fall of 2016 (that is approximately two years for those without a calculator handy, haha!), then I joined the working world and took a massive hiatus from the thing. All my creative efforts since then have been focused on the sprawling mass that will soon be Mindplay, Vol.2, and my social movements have largely fallen into two bins: local watering holes with drinks a plenty, very close friends, and just enough associated dashes of absurdity to maintain a heartbeat; OR, none at all!!

 

fuck me up and call me toast

 

this ain't the place for grand self-reflection and introspection

but as I speed toward two years back in vb and prepare to pivot my life from this grand inward inbetween to a more outward-facing step-building le chapter next (surely mostly an illusion, but a useful one to keep myself going!), i thought it high time to bring back the ole digital outlet (casuallllllyyyy of course)

 

I NEED A CHANGE IN THE WIND 

LATE PHASE

 

 

DO U SEE WHAT I SEEEEEEE

A BUNCH OF FUCKING MALARKEY THAT IS THE HAPHAZARD NATURE OF THE WAY THE GLORIES AND DOLDRUMS OF DAILY LIFE UNFOLD, TUMBLING UPON ONE ANOTHER LIKE RAINDROPS IN THE PUDDLE????

 

YEAH so alright that's what this is

THE LOCAL STP

                                    &&

A BAR in Flagstaff, Arizona one of the only times maybe the only time I've done kareokee not a great performance but I believe it  was acceptable the song was smoke two joints by sublime the air was in the 30s or 40s dinner had been a strange delicious blueberry pizza earlier in the day i had been in a cold dark lava tube then i was here on the stage, "WOAHHH HOOO HOO HO HOO HOOOO, ROCK ME TONIGHTTT FOR OLD TIMES SAKEEEEEE," fuck me right on up that's a good bout of living

AHHHH the fucking Navajo lands, a heavy desert mysticism that is hard to reconcile with the softness of the light blue in the sky.....

                          OR THE STORMS

OOOOOOOFFFF, let me tell you about dancing under the moon alone in the scrubland way beneath the foot of the mountains: I'm not talking about the desert or even the pure desert Navajo lands, I'm talking about the scrubland some 50 miles out from the Grand Canyon after the pink and gold orange perfect sunset and blue deep light blue thunderstorm over the purple mountains scrubland. In this scrubland there are no other human beings. It was me and my sister and alcohol and cigarettes and the moon and the air on the open plains and the coyotes in the distance between us and the mountains. I danced alone drunk as hell, drunk as drunk on the moving sea in the desert moonlight (it's still the desert moon over the scrubland) with the coyotes closing in from the north, not a care in the world and on the brink of every epiphany that could ever be had, every tantilizing wonder in the world there on the cusp, just out of reach but so so gloriously in sight, perfectly in sight with eyes closed at the edge of the light from the cabin next to the scrub shrubs and with bare feet on the scrub ground, moving naturally and flowing and flowing and flowing. God damn, what a groove - WHAT A FUCKING GROOVE - dancing alone with the sweet woman moon in the barren scrubland, yelling defiantly to no one to stave the predators off, to remind the scavangers that there's no dead there to prey upon. No dead at all - so alive. SHAAAAAAMONNNNNNNN

JO FO ON THE MOVE! 

this restaurant was good but there were flies everywhere in the heat as there were meth heads in Williams, but you expect flies in the heat, no, you would almost be disappointed if there weren't flies in the heat even though you don't want the flies, and then that's the meth heads in Williams - what would you have there be there where you can feel the American dream gone to die so potent? I'm not sure that I've ever felt life so potent by feeling death so potent, but it's something to ponder. ANYWAY, it's nice scenery isn't it?? WE'LL TALK ABOUT SEDONA SOME OTHER TIME CUZ

 

CHACHHHIIIIIII 

SHIIIIIII BOIIIIIII ya better take it easyyyy

 

          && HERE COMES THE ZINGA

AFTER BATTLE

 

 the extraordinarily standard scenery sets in again

I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN 

 TAKE NO PRISONERS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHAMPAGNE AND SORBET MAKIN BUBBLES THAT I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE, BURGER KING FRENCH TOAST STICKS MAKIN TASTES THAT I KNOW AND LOVE; SIMPLE PLEASURES ARE OK SOMETIMES DON'T FORGET IT

LOOOOOOOK OUT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

QUESTION: DO YOU HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF BEING KILLED BY A METEOR OR A STRAY DOOM?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ANSWER::

~~~~~STRAAAYYYYYY DOOM~~~~~~

YA NEVER KNOW when it may strike, so you might as well strike first 

AW GEEZ

 

AND WHEN THE EVENING COMES, and the melancholy waves sink deeper past the light periwinkle hazy skies into the ice shard gray purple deep purple currents - Press on.

 

CUZ THE SUN ALWAYS SETS

ON ANOTHER YEAR,,, YEAR AFTER YEAR

SO GOES LIFE ~~ HERE WE ARE

 

WOODLAND TRAVERSING dabbling in the forests and heavy industry alike, pristine to contaminated to maritime to abandoned decrepit things hidden away in odd local corners....

OUT HERE OUT THERE

AMONGST IT

 

COLD SUMMER FOREVER MUHFUKA

 

 

 

is any of this real anymore was it ever real it seems like it must have been but then again illusions tend to do that i suppose; HAVE IT UR WAY

A CAREFULLY SELECTED CAST OF CHARACTERS FOR THIS ONE

OUT THERE OUT HERE 

 

THE BLUE HAZE DREAM, THIS BLUE HAZE NIGHTMARE: SUCH A CONFLICTING HARMONY 

^^^^^THIS IS THE MOST WARPED image of david gray and rex hill in existence also look at the bed of greenery they are crouched on also what hand symbol is david doing; ALSO the real significance of this image is this is RIGHT BEFORE the two backwater goons left for the mountainlands of colorado and shifted to their LE chapter next, a thing that they couldn't have quiteeee envisioned at that point, naturally as it hadn't happened yet, (not withstanding Rex's solo time walking two miles home each night YOU fucking agent), but the point being that that big new monumental shift is now simply their daily lives  -  

 

AND so, more broadly, reflecting on how our lives move so strangely through time from one present moment to another, the past only existing as a method of organizing our todays gone by and the future only existing as a useful illusion of something somewhere between another cheap bet on the fantasies of tomorrow and a better better time

 

YEUH

WE OUT CHEER

AT THE SEA SIDEEEEE (and also just on the sea)

 

 

"Hey, switching tracks from self-indulgent manic forays into open-ended intropective projects, how's progress on the more outward-facing long-term projects that will actually advance your life situation going?

 

 

WHOOPS

YA DAMN RIGHT; VIBE::::: cc:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WOW well here we are!!! Some 5 and a half months later and I have a 401k!! (and add another half a year to finish the motherfucking commentary HA) Dreams do come true! Well my prophecy has come to fruition and I am utterly alone in this strange destitute land that is home. I've been alone for a while now which has been truly fabulous for making jokes with myself. Those surely featured here!

 

The summer was the beautfiul anticlimatic promised land. There were no obligations, no need to heed time's call, no need for discipline. And so there was none, wonderful double-edged sword that that is. But it was warm and flowing and life, particularly in retrospect as it always goes. It was the vague ok-ness that is being at home again after so long away, the strange mediocre moves from here to there that don't ever amount to anything but keep a half smile on the face. Beers on the beach. Solo beers on the beach in the wonderful sweltering sun. A swim and a cigarette and a thunderously dull contendness into the evening.

 

And then without warning, or maybe all the warning in the world but just unheeded, lightning struck, and here I am running headlong through the heaviest grind of my life, torn and down and still moving strangely slow and methodically all the while. The half smile remains, in some form, and the vague ok-ness has not disappated, even with the arrival of the long cold nights. But then I'm getting ahead of myself because that chapter is just beginning. This chapter is still just beginning.

 

ALMOST HALF A YEAR OF LIFE AND WHAT DO I HAVE TO SHOW!? 

 

Well, everything inside my head, and for the outside, this.... B SIDES & SIDE LIVES: A CONTINUATION OF THE DOWN AND UP 

 

A PRETTY SCENE AT THE BAY UP HIGH ON THE BRIDGE MAKING IT LOOK LIKE SOME FANTASTIC GETAWAY SURELY MORE THAN EIGHT MINUTES FROM YOUR HOUSE

humans constructing human things, quite an intriguing scene

NOTHING SCREAMS IT'S A MOTHAFUCKIN DAWN OF A DAY WITH NO OBLIGATIONS LOUDER

AW SHIT, queue the first trek to the glory land, NE NE NE NE BABY BEAUTIFUL TERRIBLE URBANIA
PHILLY SIDE STREET ALLEY CATS
ZOOM ZOOM ZINGA
MILKS AND HIS STEED

shortly before we met the real owner, a fascinating genetlman born and raised in Chincoteague, who broke his arm trying to ride one of the wild beasts as a young teen, but never lost his passion for equestrine, even once he moved to the beautiful seething mess that is Philadelphia, and there he stays with his trusted companion

 

PROGRESSIVE !!!!!!
              OIIII YEAH FUCK ME RIGHT ON UP THEN 

I missed the memo that everyone would be wearing black, quite literally everyone besides myself, but the gin had settled in already and I spent a nation's gdp on beerz, and that shifting mass of sound and light and color was but stop numero uno on our one night only tour, and you better believe we tore shit down thereafter. I couldn't even begin to retrace our steps if you put me on the ground in that city again, but the absurdity was potent and I was in a dark marauding mood and the city was quite good to us, even allowing me the courtesy of locating my debit card each of many times it was misplaced and I confronted the surrounding world like an enemy combatant on the battlefield live. Philly feels authentic and the grit and the sprawl and the hustle are oversaturated in the air and condensate down in a filthy wonderful dew in the wee hours of each morning, I can say this with confidence because I've seen it myself.

 

BACK TO THE BEACH

WHO DAT WHO DIS

a quick jaunt up the eastern shore, that forgotten peninsula of virginia

she's a sad cotton candy dream in the evening and I've felt a love come on so strong

OI ARNOLD WHAT THE FUCK U DOIN MATE YOURE A MADMAN

just do yourself a real favor and give this sly fox a quality listen

WE WERE SPEAKING ABOUT HOW THE PLACE CAN SEEM SO FAR AWAY EVEN WHEN IT'S HOME
otherwise forgotten scenes is what the b sides are all about. it's the random riffs and side notes that make up the bulk of our lives between the highlights, the strange way that memory can couple a vision with a mood and a mood with a state of being and allow one to lead to the other and back around until the whole thing may as well be fresh cooked there flying off the pan in the kitchen  EH

WATER WATER

FUCKIN EVERYWHERE
have you watched the beauty of a simple pleasure spill out right in front of you

 

WHADDUP WATEP WE OUT HERE 

A COUPLE OF OFFBEAT NIGHTS AT THE SAFE HAUS, the pleasureable ephinany of no obligation, an endless evening of not a goal in sight and no desire for one, just the simplest of happenings between decent television programs and other people's snacks, freezer goods cooked at 3am and an unquestioned flow of alcohol and related friends on the back patio between heavy summer rain squalls after the power outage and mass lighting of the candles, all wonderfully unnoticed by the blind dog Sadie and her unrelenting enthusiasm for those very simpler days

REPRESENTATIVE SITE PHOTO

routine can kill you, oddly slowly while it pushes the knife in fast, but routine isn't inherently evil, it's just the forced nature and displeasureable associates that so often come with it. take the stop at mix it up for the choice cut beers or premixed cool flowing grog with one of Patrick O'Brien's authentic seagoing tales under the sweltering sun by the seat of the dunes away from all the people, laid out knocked back down in the ambiance of the heat and liquid before letting the sharp crisp of the cold sea embrace your whole person body and mind entirely, then smile in the blue sky gold warm air and ride wave then wave then run like a chile then wave and flip and wave and float there, content - SHIT AIN'T BAD


AH what a fun new-fangled way to be mindless

WHERE THE FUCK IS VENASAUR

hmmmmmmmm

 

SELF V. SELF, WHO WILL PREVAIL, ONLY VICTORY WILL TELL

ain't no substitute for it.... She

OI MOTHAFUCKA YOU WANNA SQUARE UP I SEE YOU IN OR OUT THE WATER COME AT IT

SHIIIITTTTTT, GUYS, I BELIEVE I HAVE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE, HEAVENS NO

HA classic SFUS communicado reminiscent of a certain era in time!!!!! #RELATABLE #WOW #COOL
SIDE DISH OF OPIATES, WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT
OI O IT'S THE FUCKIN NEIGHBORHOOD GOONS HERE TO RUIN YOUR DAY AND OUTWIT YOUR WHOLE DAMN CREW YA MEASLY FUCKS, POUR US ANOTHA ONE

 circa 2016, copyright, all rights reserved, wow nice huh neat

slow roll roll on down slow, soft wave crash lap evening shore twilight, wash it all way, all the bad all the good and nothing left but nothingness, heavy but benign then

CHA BOIZ
up there with the cigs at the pier, beers downed courtesy of christian on the grill, ocean eddy's bustle ignored as the fryers sizzle distantly and the families and lone wrinkled old men fish, all the more determined as the sun dips and the sweetly discomforting periwinkle fuzz overtakes it all. and then down on the bay's side of town, except across the strip of land from the bay, the inlet, that peak of nautical spillage all around, the old fishing boats and the watermen and the whole trade without the psuedo-glamour attached to it, the place that doesn't question itself as it just is, and it is also beautiful in that way and in many other simple ways, in that the water nearly laps the floorboards beneath your feet and the closest growth is marsh grass on the small islands, and boats navigate through the narrow channel and sandbars with no hurry to pull up and eat and drink, and you're there with rum flowing and a warm eased rowdy atmosphere with salt and burning outboards in the air, the sun inevitably dipping into a ridiculous showing of orange then pink then purple atmospheric beauty, every damn day. 

BEEEEEESIDEEEEEEE
THE PLOT THICKENS MORE SO THAN EVER: BUT WHO WAS THE REAL CULPRIT ???????

FOCKIN LATE NIGHT SIMPLE PLEASURE NIRVANA

OH MY SWEET SWEET SUMMER TIME STP WHY HATH THOU FORSAKEN ME

HOMESTEAD YAY HOMESTEAD NAY 
FUCK ME UP

It's a strange thing to come back to the place you've spent your entire life just you're ending a whole multi-year state of being and entering into a whole new chapter of the thing. It's a time of rapidly shifting winds, something that is forecast to be unpredictable and hectic and quite possibly dangerous to steer through. But then just as you broach the front it all settles and goes calm and the wheel moves soft beneath your hands and the wind sighs tired and low and - it's anticlimatic, really. Here we are. 
DAYS DAZE DAYZ DAZE ON IT GOES
B-SYDE-BEE-SIGHED
READ EM AND WEEP, VICTORY IS NOT ASSURED BUT WILL BE HAD AND IT WILL LOOK LIKE:
THE MAN THE MYTH THE MASTER


THE MOST STANDARD SCENARIO, ANOTHER TRUE REPRESENTATIVE SITE PHOTO OF THE ERA FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE, IRRELVANT NOW
AW SHEEIITTTT BACK UP THE COAST AGAIN MOTHAFUCKA
TXT 12 FOR DOUCHEBAG, 13 FOR OUTLANDISH CUNT

THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM, PHILADELPHIA AGAIN, DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION

great day for transit with the President of the United States in town and the like
BUT TRANSIT WE DID GOIN GOIN BACK BACK TO NYCCCCCCCCC BABY WE AINT YAWNIN NOW

OH there's never enough photos taken during these glorious times of thrashing and running, and that's a shame, but then that's exactly how it should be.... SO 

 

BAGEL SHOP ABOVE, i will not call it a bodega no matter what the locale, and it is less symbolic than the matcha shop, a ridiculously hip locale but one that suited the mornings well, mornings being around noon time, with a walk through absofuckinlutely wonderful nolita into the pink wall palm treed decor place with beautiful beautiful girls on laptops making thousands of dollars running terrible terrible lifestyle blogs and vague human forms wearing supreme loud and proud and shifting through the always long line for that glorious bright green liquid. I'd order two or three drinks at a time and i'm not one to overblow a simple dose of caffiene BUT GOTDAMN there's a buzz, and with a hydrocodone in the rain in the city on that patio as the people moved and the absurdity struck and the day was free - YES, i will always take a dose of that memory.

 

HMMMMM this was our first encounter with the city in the summer, and it did not disappoint. she was a lover, or not, but a temptress, and we found ourselves overtaken as always but settling in quite nicely. THERE WAS

 

eating gourmet mac and cheese on a stoop watching the world go by, the hustle and the bustle and the people across the street with white cloth napkins and sparkling wines losing their smiles as they saw the freedom that was us in the grunge and the sweet love of the streetside raw

 

LITTLE FUCKING ITALY, the best place in america, or the world, where the streets were closed to the machines of the humans and so only the humans remained, free to take over the asphalt paths that we built and subsequently lost, and the glory of the clusterfuck and the pit of despair that is a seething mass of persons poured out like hot butter instantly congealed, and really so, so indescribably pleasant beneath the blue sky and the gold sun and the sights and the sounds and the heartbeat of the whole thing

 

an overly enthusiastic young man who was not of age to be in the bar with the drinks but found his way into the bar with the drinks and drank himself into a belligerent state, but as he was not capable of being belligerent, he was a petty antagonist and self-percieved victim, and then there was the placid bemusement of smoking a cigarette sitting on the planter wall watching a crowd of humans unite in their disdain for such terrible bullshit, but really handle themselves quite well until the young antagonistic victim made the mistake of taking his charade to the passerby, who was only attempting to make his way back to his overpriced apartment with overpriced groceries and paying the overly priced dollar amount of minding his own fucking business, and this kind man, this good samaritan, beneveolently gave us all the far underpriced entertainment of punching the young zealot out in one clean swoop, one concentrated 'FUCK YOU' - FROM US ALL. the young fool was sprawled out on the pavement, face down, just over the edge of the first stair. such kind folks in the urban jungle.

 

there's just something about the place in the day, in the afternoon, as it fades to evening, in an outdoor locale with drink and humans just beginning to congregate. (This place then, in my head now, is the backyard of Sweet & Vicious, an entirely different ordeal once the sun has set) There's something so raw about the whole place that it's unnerving, and being unnerved is what makes the place so wonderfully special, because the heave and flow forces you to settle into being unnerved as some sort of state of being, and then you're open to the whole warm mass of absurdity, and that's a beautiful thing. It's freeing.

 

RIGHT THEN

THE MOST I'VE EVER SPENT IN ONE GO AT LE BAR - BUT IT WAS THE BEST BAR

if there's a representative site photo of the away-ness of the place, THIS IT

clammy ft. sweat, the madness of a hot ny cave in july as we melt down into ourselves prior to hitting the streets in the late evening
AMONGST IT
YA DAMN RIGHT
HA mhans slaughter game not so hot 

OI FUCK, this here's the end of the night, the end of a night, the end of any night - nothing like la comida from a food truck and absolute assurance you will be hyrdated by the time the sun comes up

SOPHIES, what a spot. the classic dive. the motherfucking archetype. a place where you could be comfortable amongst the heaving sea of concrete and steel unfamiliarity. AND THEY GOT A JUKE BOX

IT'S ALL GOOD, EVEN WHEN IT AIN'T
specifically the above image is the state I find myself in during new york nights. i believe this sweaty scene was in the bathroom of the bar above berlin, with the girl who was 29 that invited me to share a time with her amongst the red lights, brick walls, and teeming shadows below.

AW SHIT
the fuck you doin if you ain't learnin some new shit?

a pleasantly ok gray day, a hot dog from the cart with onions sliding around and on down over to central park, a small jaunt through and around before we leave uptown....

AND BEFORE WE LEAVE TOWN

THE LAST NIGHT IN THE PLACE

IT'D BE SAD IF WE DIDN'T DO IT SO DAMN RIGHT

apotted on the walk home from the west end of things; novelty, no!?

 

AH FUCK you know this deserves a recon report out here

So we went online to the webinars and purchased tickets to the comedy cellar with only a very faint trace of an idea of what the fuck we were doin. I had seen the place on Louis CK's show and Rocco had told us that it was tight af so there you go. Nah, more importantly, we had done the damn thing every night so we were willing to buy into a change of pace. AND BY BUY I MEAN PURCHASE TWO ITEMS AT THE BAR OR CELLAR ITSELF TO COVER THE TICKET FUCK ME UP !! but honestly, sandwich or no (yes), what kind of asshole is going to go to a comedy show and not buy at least two drinks? 

 

So we were in the upstairs drawing with chalk on the tables having a beverage or three and then we were outside with a cigarette in the line around the corner in the alley and then we were downstairs in the darkness and intrigue of the place. It was all quite smooth really. After a pause in the entry the attractive hostess or whatever position she held proceeded to lead us to the farthest darkest corner of the room, the one on the southeast corner of the place, tucked back even with the back of the stage, neck craned staring tense over the very intimate couple seated immediately adjacent between your line of sight and the fine humans taking that stage - quite ideal!!!! But chu know, you make due with what you got.

 

BUT WAIT!

A very rare gift from cool - a reversal of the odds for all of the absurdity that we had successfully grooved through in those sweating thrashing streets, for all the shitty hands that we had laughed at and played anyway throughout the thing. The hostess/waitress/whatever the fuck she is comes back as the good man is opening the show and says to us deep sweaty tucked uncomfortably numb in the corner, "Hey do you guys want to move to a table in the front row? Because your seats were actually supposed to be there, so if you still want to move, it's open..." Hmmmmm... YA DAMN RIGHT

 

First of all, there aren't rows, but fockin right we were in the front one. This was my first comedy show, and it was in a beautiful, intimate dark and dingy setting in the front row with a sandwich and people bringing me drinks and a bunch of funny, witty, relentless motherfuckers leaning over the stage and skewering me with personally curated blades of jokes. It was fuckin delightful. A bunch of talented motherfuckers 3 feet in front me in a room that will throw you the fuck out if you pull out your cell phone to take a video. The only rule in the place is you can't be an asshole unless you're on the stage, and literally anything else goes. That's what the fuck I'm talking about. There was life in that place. Potent. I very rarely laugh that fucking hard. Feels good as - 



A EUPHORIC GLOW HANGING ABOUT YOUR HEAD WITH THE HYRDOCODONE COURSING THROUGHOUT THE VEINS AND A DISGUSTED LOVE BEATING STRONG DIRTY PURE IN YOUR HEART GETTING SWEATED OUT AS MANY ORIFACES AS THE ALCOHOL IS POURING IN (symbolically of course)

this is the town my dad was born in HA

SUMMERTIME STP HOW I MISS IT AS I TYPE THIS AND HOW I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NEARLY HERE AGAIN

what can we say about the absinthe... either you put down a small bit and it's nothing or you put down the better part of a bottle and you're onto it

just fuck me up
this is probably the best investment i've made in quite a while along with those damn beavers and if there's a theme there it's very very simple: TANGIBLE GOODS ARE GOOD

a preying mantis hovering above ominously for the kill... could it be..? SYMBOLISM!?

QUEUE THE BIGGEST TRANSITION OF MY YOUNG LIFE THAT I'M STILL FIGURING THE FUCK OUT ALL THESE MONTHS LATER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~casually~
INTO THE BELLY OF THE BEAST EH
an exemplar of the b sides... the side lives... the unplanned resemblance of the ghost of the groove of the inbetween.....
hanging on to some warm notion of freedom and peace of mind
BUT IT'S COLD OUT HERE ALL STRANGE & ALONE
ALWAYS GOTTA STAY FUCKIN EM UP

HA rex all pumped the fuck up to be deep in the blue haze and he don't even know he's deep in the blue haze
same for cwiss pictured here skeptical as i know him generally to be about these things

A PRELIMINARY SIGN OF THINGS I'VE GONE DORMANY ON BUT FUCK I AIN'T GOTTA SPELL THE LINK OUT DO I: VESUVIUS TO COME (cc: dormany)
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh just let this stand for Mindplay Vol.2 and the Blue Haze and all of that
i'm out here tryin....

FUCK IT AIN'T EASY THO

THESE IMAGES ARE LESS THAN ONE STANDARD DEVIATION FROM MY GENERAL FRAME OF MINE

 

up before the sun for all the wrong reasons

DOLLA DOLLA BILLS YALL

something real real nice shot down dead real real early - it's pretty though in an off way



ON LE JOB OUT HERE

 

i am at peace in this image

Y JO
from the day on the river in richmond followed by the long and winding night with the jazz band and the strange cast of characters that spontaneously appeared and took us back to their bizarre labyrinth of a warehouse / living space / recording studio for an absurd showing of things. a potent sweating wandering evening, from the studio to a drum circle to twisted hallways and sprawling rooms until I could no longer stand at the conclusion of it all. the lack of specifities doesn't do it justice but the vibe has been laid down, YEEHAW

OI the woodlands, look into their gaping jaws

this is a jolly friend of mine

A CLASSIC OF OUR TIMES

an exemplar of why the hell not and a sign of things to come
TANGIBLE

nothing more pure left in this world than the simple pleasure of the sea 


I KNOW ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US SIRI, BIG BRUNCH, NO WAFFLES, CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES, CHAMPAGNE

AH FUCK, the counterweight to the enjoyment of the moment at hand

 

DEEP IN THE WOODLANDS YA BETTER LOOK THE FUCK OUT FOR THE FOREST GUARDIAN AND THE TROLLS UNDER THE BRIDGE WITH THEIR RIDDLES AND INTRICATE COMPLEXITIES

and the forgotten places off the beaten path....

FOCKIN RIGHT i could live my life in a hot tub alone with proper quantities of rum though i believe hennesy was in the Hardee's cup here, CHEER

ahhhhhh yes the backwater goons on vacation, the lake haus, not a lake haus, the haus on le river, the poker, the bumper pool, the grill and the boat and the wakesurfing and all the other wonderful things 

HA yes, here we are, all smiles !! what is this shit now, some five and a half years now with these tres muskateerings? from the first year lounge where we experienced independence for the first time together and all those woodland walks to here in a luxury home with a boat and deeper stranger tides - OI YEAH BRING ON THE FUTURE

a sad psuedo japanese grill house in some gray town in north carolina on the long haul back north, just a moment in time potent in memory and mood

and a gray morning at home... the image is deceptively at ease when compared to the state of mind and turmoil in mood and emotion

a classic series of johnfowler57 maneuver

 

FUCK ME UP i just love this image, make it the title page of all of this shit, of the random forgotten moments that create potent moods and strange strands of memories floating around in the deep mind, of the life happenings and the lack of apologies and the b-sides and side lives, BUMMER DAZE SANS GLORY, COLD CONCEPTUALS 

a beautiful scene in a terrible situation, LIFE
yet another representative site photo
PROTECT YA NECK FUCK ME UP
help

late night snacks are the hallmark of a free nation

MMMMMMMM COTTON CANDY IN THE SKY

have you seen such a scene of beauty as below ? STANDARD SCENERY

VIVID DEPICTION OF THE LIFE I'M CURRENTLY LIVING
i love the pinks and purples afterwards, the descent of the blanket of night's deep blue to black darkness is quite nice too

HERE'S TO THE CHARITY CHILI COOK-OFF

a fine evening in a place close to home that feels so refreshingly far away in the warm breeze and cold rum
B-SIDES here to celebrate the standard scenery so often forgotten as the days go by because.... well, it's standard. BUT THAT DON'T MEAN IT AIN'T A THING OF BEAUTY, or at least interest
OUT CHEER

drown it out or go for a swim????? WHAT'RE WE DOIN OUT HERE???

honestly i'm shocked i captured this image, i'm pleased beyond reasonable measure, DO YOU FEEL THE AUTUMN IN IT?

damn, i dunno why i'm drinking this rosa red here, perhaps it was when i was just stumbling my way into wine, but i'm more of a bittersweet sauvignon blanc kinda guy these days, but regardless, i like the idea of the gritiness of a chinese dinner and a bottle of wine to myself, of course there's no glory in the moment, it's just how it is, but then isn't that breakdown of events how it all is in this strange series of movements we call life?

FUCK GETTIN MONEY IM PICKIN UP STICKS AHHHHHHH FUCK
i'm on this homestead and it's delightful and i better get off soon

THIS IS THE GOTDAMN BAY, not the ocean - this is on the tail end of Matthew with the pulse of the thing still powering in on the wind and the raw energy of the long swell meeting shallows and shore. VB GOT FLOODED THE FUCK OUT, and as we're still reeling on it (rip lightrail), i ask - what if we get hit by an actual hurricane?

cat in one hand, WHAT THE FUCK'S IN THE OTHER
THE MILLION BILLION MOTHAFUCKIN DOLLA PRICELESS QUESTION

- have you seen a nicer purple sunset?

LOOK AT THE CANDLES ON THIS MAN'S CAKE AND ASPIRE TOWARDS SUCH A SHOWING

what an underrated combo
SWEET N SALTY MY FRIENDS

 

HERE'S AN IMAGE OF ME VIEWING MY LIFE NOW

FUCK ME UP AND 

fuck me up, this one's just a blast to the past 
BUT LET'S GET ON WITH LE FUTURE














JOY AND MOTHAFUCKIN PROSPERITY
YEEHAW

 

 

 

Here we go again!! And by again I mean one last time. For real now. The last thing I posted in this section was my nearly week long trip down to Key West back in early March. It is now June 6th as I type. College is done forever. And, more importantly, being relatively removed from reality in a town full of people within four years of my age doing things similar to me, in the grand scheme of the world, is done, forever. lt's a gift and a curse, a double edged sword as I more often like to say, but I do reflect on life frequently. And if there's one thing that I've come to realize I'll miss about these odd past four years of my life, it's this - there truly was potent absurdity readily available around every corner. A good picture may be worth a thousand words, but I don't know about a shitty screengrab. But who cares what the scale reads out to. Below is what I could manage to scrounge together from the archives I have from the past three months. So let it roll baby, let it roll. 

 

BANGER DANGER BEGIN

sums it up or no..?

This picture signifies the coming of spring time if I've ever seen it.

[I DID THIS (in collaboration with White Castle)]

HI DEF QUALITY OF SING DOING HIS FRIDAY NIGHT GIG AT BILTMORE; VIVA BURMA!!!

REX OUTGREW HIS LACTOSE INTOLERANCE AND THIS IS HIS FIRST TIME AT BEN AND JERRY'S

I'm not gonna lie about this... toward the end of my school career I started paying over 20 dollars to have a crabcrake over walnut rice pilaf delivered to my room.

For real though, a night of smash and freestyling with the naturally associated drinking and smoking amongst homies is not nm.

~~~~ ENHANCED GROG INGREDIENTS ~~~~

We never had a "spot" until relatively near the end, but it became Michael's Bistro. God bless blue motorcyles, Chris, and Kayla, all for very different reasons. 

STMOTHERFUCKINGP BABY

yo for real, it may be june 6th now but it ain't over. and for real, watch this 1988 CSPAN interview with Bernard, please.

YEAH THAT IS ICE IN MY LEFTOVER ROOTS BOWL DON'T BE AFRAID TO EXPERIMENT MOTHERFUCKERS

the wind from my open balcony door pushed these weak motherfuckers over HA SURE

AND HE KILLS IT

EMPTY PITCHERS BLANK FACES GLITCHES IN THE MATRIX

 

Like the fact that I saved the hardest class I'd ever taken in college until my last semester :')

INTIMATE MOMENTS AT MELLOW MUSHROOM became a Friday standard with Rex, Robbie, and Paula after hour long Buddhist Meditation sessions. I still take that sentence for granted, but damn... meditation followed by exotic pizzas. When will that be scheduled in my life weekly again?

the face you make when the random fuck at the door tries to bigdick the crew but before you can get hostile the girls that you barely know invite you in to the apartment to party even though "the party is over" and you proceed to take all of their alcohol as bounty and reject the sorry motherfucker's apology upon his slight sobering up and subsequent realization that he was fucked all along 

lol ROFL LMAO RITE

(a more intimate crabcake scene)

past 6am in the woods alone pausing on my way home for 15 minutes to take in the beauty of being alive and awake until the morning light again....

~ THE ABSURDITY OF IT ALL IS POTENT ~

look, I wouldn't dare try to put my beloved societal fuck up squad into words, but here's two shitty screengrabs of two of them shits taking some ballsy risks that I guarantee they never once considered ballsy. 

11 is the closest I ever got to being number 1 in line for Bodo's 

also here's a cheat code for your motherfuckin taste buds:

cinnamon raisin bagel with turkey and american cheese, and bacon, tomato, anddd strawberry cream cheese.

and if you order it in the wrong order it'll cost more, and if you don't exaggerate the last "anddd" they'll get confused and fuck it up 88.9% of the time.

AND THEN QUEUE THE RIVER HAUS::::
Look, I don't know how many details I'm willing to go into here, but try this... substance a fockin plenty with the nicest alcohol you've bought in years coupled with whipping a 33 foot boat at full speed under these influences, partaking in watersports all new to you, and then a spot of fishing on the side, all of this followed by beautiful excess time being split between eating fresh crab, gambling on bumper pool and poker, smoking cigarettes in a hot tub, and more of that aforementioned quality alcohol all the while. You do what you please, but I'll say this: fuck a beach week.

AND WE CAME BACK AND GRADUATED. Thank God the robes were black. And I'm not exercising hyperbole when I say we were able to stop to take this beautiful selfie in the rain because the SFUS were the last people in the long line that walked the lawn that day. My motherfuckin g's.


LAST NIGHT OUT ON THE CORNER EVER CELEBRATING DAVID GRAY'S 23RD BIRTHDAY AT MICHAEL'S WITH FREE SHOTS COURTESY OF KAYLA'S LAST NIGHT AND ALL, FOCKIN RIGHT, PICTURE OF AFTERMATH FOLLOWS:

And forever etched into those walls... let the torch of good hearted mayhem and valiant plundering in that too often tight-strung place be passed on to the next willing generation.

THIS IS FROM MY LAST MORNING IN CHARLOTTESVILLE; regardless of temporal sentiments may I say: gold sun, green trees, purple sky. One of nature's most beautiful combos she has to offer. 

1252 BARN BROOK ROAD.... if I'm not back where I started I'll be damned... for better or for worse, it is what it is, right?

Cwiss and Milkhand. The other half of SFUS. I suppose the summer has begun whether I've accepted it or not.

My friendly neighborhood Starbucks is now serving beer with complementary seasoned pumpkin seeds which could very well be a game changer in their much-sought-after transition from faceless corporate entity that I happen to enjoy being at to friendly neighborhood cafe with welcoming name recognition that I can really do some quality work at again, which admittedly would be a much needed phenomenon...

AND SO IT'S BEGUN. SUMMER 2016. IT'S TIME TO COME THE FUCK INTO MY OWN.

closing words and....

I'm not a very sentimental person. I know a lot of people that cried in the moments, hours, and even days that followed college graduation. And a lot of them aren't even crying types. But the two fucks that you see pictured above along with myself cracked jokes during the entire graduation ceremony. And fuck an ego or even a pat on the back, but the people around us had a damn good laugh. That is to say that quite often sentimental for the sake of being sentimental type of shit just doesn't get through to me. I'm sorry, but I don't give a fuck what some random poet that I've never heard of has to say about the past four years of my life that I've LIVED. I can ponder that summary on my own. And it's hard as hell to put into words, and this is by no means at all everything I have to say, but if there's one simple but profound thing I've realized, it's something like this: I will never again be removed from the grind that life so often becomes and put into a semi-dream like wandering state of absurdity with no one but my always willing peers constantly surrounding me again... unless I bust my ass and make it happen myself. I suppose this is to say I've never bought into college being the four glory years of my life. I've never bought into any statement that says, "It's all downhill from here!" And I'm a pretty dark motherfucker at that. 

 

Look, if I'm to be honest, I had a very odd and disturbing series of dreams the other night. Amongst Inception-like phenomena of dreams within dreams coupled with disturbing patterns of imminent death and doom, there was another constant theme: it was the end of school! In a classic sense that we've all felt since elementary school spilled out into mid and late June; one that evolved through middle school, and through high school, and most recently even college; and I'm not exaggerating when I say that the hype in these dreams was much more than I felt upon graduation from college in real life. And so much of it was based around the stimple fact that I knew I stood with my peers, not just my friends, but my acquaintances as well, and their friends, and all of that just creating the general dynamic and alive feeling of the scene that is our age group linking up in ways that seem comical to mention because they have been so frequent that we take them for granted. But who the fuck are we now? Alone, scattered from our epicenter, our collective shaking of the world disappated into a sad series of individual tremors that can't even muster the potential to register on the scale that weighs the whole thing. That's a brutal couple sentences to write, but I believe it's an honest assessment. That wonderful potent absurdity that we all loved, whether we called it by that name or not, is gone. Life is moving and flowing and changing. That's as much of a fact as the wind blowing, or not as it does in the doldrums, which may be the more relevant comparison.

 

And so as you read this I'll be the first to fully honestly admit... I don't know. I don't really know what's next, but I do know that, to put it lightly, it ain't all fun and games. But my friends, if we give up, if we sell out, if we take just the salary for the expenses, and the expenses as the next thing, and the next thing as the so-called maturity and then the family and the settling down, and then the settling down as the sacrifice of dreams, then who the fuck are we? Where the fuck will the inevitable resentment retreat to? Why the fuck shouldn't we be able to get to know ourselves intimately over the years without fear of losing those longterm goals that we've held in our imaginations since we were children? And why the fuck should we ever call the dreams that are rooted in our souls childish? I'm fucking tired of seeing that phenomenon so frequently. Being an idealist is not naive, and being a realist does not mean you need to swing to the preclaimed sides of optimism or pessimism. This vast series of movements that we call life is a very strange thing. In truth, real truth, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that: life is a strange and beautiful and dynamic creature. I seek control over mine, but I don't really have it yet. And that's ok. Because I've been giddily awaiting the day that my 17 years of schooling is done, and I graduated a couple weeks ago, but it's finally here tonight. So I haven't tamed the wild stallion that this incredible series of movements is, but I'm on my way. I'm so fucking unsure, but through the darkness, I know I'm better than ever.